The fact is, there are many “best ways” to give head. Most of them depend on who you are with. Because the feedback you receive from your man – via body language, body movement, sounds, etc – will tell you EXACTLY what you need to do to please him. 

These factors also apply to what you shouldn’t do!  I’m a big fan of experimenting…I might let my finger or my tongue do a little exploring to test a man’s interest or receptiveness to say, for example, perineum stimulation. It’s pretty easy to tell if i man digs action in that area…if you touch it and he tenses up – probably not a good idea to proceed further! but if he lets out a big pleasurable gasp (!), well then you know you’ve hit new territory that may be worth exploring.

So what’s the best way to give head? PAY ATTENTION!  Go with the feedback that he’s providing you with! If you’re a good communicator you can even inject a “oh, you like that huh?” here and there. That kind of vocalized positive reinforcement is a great psychological trick for both of you.

I emphasize this idea in my book, Blow Him Away: An Escort’s Guide to Giving Exceptional Head. If you think you can just dive in and do your own thing…you are mistaken! Part of what makes my blow jobs so memorable – so $$$ worthy – is how in tuned I stay with the man I’m going down on. Sure, I can fake a great blow job – I have a LOT of experience giving head! But if you’re just learning, or refining your technique, the best way to give head is to listen and feel how your man is reacting to each little step you take and build on that.

If you just take that piece of advice alone…you are a million miles ahead of the rest!

i’ve been in some relationships where the men didn’t really get the whole vibrator thing…they wanted to know why i had one, they wanted to know if it was better than their oral sex, etc, etc

but some of my clients are downright obsessed with the idea of playing with toys when they’re with me.  whether they want to watch me please myself, help me please myself, let me please them (!)…they want to open up the toy chest at every opportunity to take a look and see what treasures lay inside.

my friend J tells me it’s as simple as the fact that it has to do with sex.  and anything that has to do with sex makes the dick hard. end of story. 

sounds plausible!

I’ll admit I’ve always been somewhat of a flirt. I’ll also admit that being an escort has given me an extra level of confidence and ego – a jolt of sexual empowerment if you will. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like Vanilla.

In fact, more often than not I crave Vanilla.

So what is Vanilla? Vanilla is sex in the missionary position. Vanilla means wanting to be in a safe, secure, romantic relationship. Maybe even married. Vanilla means not wanting a guy’s finger (or cock) up my ass and not having to pretend that i like it. Vanilla means not strongly desiring to venture into the world of swinging and sex clubs, or even doing drugs.

Vanilla even means wanting another child.

Being an escort is an amazing thing…it connects you to so many different walks of life – good and bad. For every day that I wish I could quit, I am truly thankful for the experience and all that it has taught me. But the fact is, I’m an escort in my bedroom only (and sometimes on the couch, and sometimes on the kitchen counter as well). When I put my clothes back on, I’m just plain old vanilla Alanna. I’m thinking about what my next move is…what’s for dinner…what my plans are for the weekend. Not when my next appointment is, or what lingerie i’m going to wear, or whether or not i get to (psych!) break out my toys with a client.

I’m just vanilla. I’m just me.

Men and women are different. We think differently, we behave differently, we are motivated differently, we communicate differently…..just about everything is different! The fact is that for men, the penis rules. I’m not being facetious…I’m not waxing cliche about how many minutes in the day men think about sex. I’m telling you that MUCH of what men do is determined by the wants and needs of their penises. It’s biology. It’s DNA.

It takes a strong man to challenge his own DNA and most don’t. It’s what keeps me in business really. As humans we are motivated by pain or by pleasure. If a man can get a blow job, why on earth would he turn it down? Why wouldn’t he want, at every opportunity he could get, to feed the very thing that defines him? To take it personally simply doesn’t make sense.

I actually find the man’s penis-predicament very empowering. It’s a simple equation: Penis Wants Attention = Man Needs a Women to Satisfy That Need for Attention = Woman Has the Power.

It’s a shame that so many women take the “job” part of “blow job” as literally as they do. It’s a task…it’s a pain…it’s not a priority. In doing so they succeed in pushing their partners away. So guess what the penis does when it isn’t getting attention? That’s right…most of time it looks elsewhere. And if it’s not looking elsewhere it’s harboring resentment toward the person who holds the power (see above equation for the person who ultimately holds the power).

If women could learn to feel this kind of empowerment – and not take advantage of it, or use it for leverage – they could form a loyal bond with the penis (and, by extension, their partner) and enjoy a whole new approach to oral sex.

I’m a GFE kind of girl by nature. I try to be friendly to every client I meet whether they’re to my liking or not. There’s also a natural orientation toward friendship that happens with some of those that you see regularly or that you always have fun with when you’re together. Over the course of 5 years it’s not hard to understand how you can really get to know someone!

This morning a regular of mine called me…he was on his way to a meeting in the city and he wanted to know if he could come by to give me an orgasm. That’s it! Just wanted the pleasure of going down on me (which I assure him repeatedly is MY pleasure, because he has truly mastered the art of going down on a woman).

Unfortunately we couldn’t time a meeting, but before he got off the phone he told me how much he loved me – truly loved me – and that he couldn’t wait to see me again. He’s not the first to say things like that.

Do I love him back? I have affection for him…I would be sad if anything bad were to happen to him…but the fact is, I would move on. I enjoy his company – like i enjoy the company of many of my regulars – but it’s not love.

I love myself and I love my life. I would love to have a partner someday as well. But I don’t live with a void like my clients do. I don’t seek out love and sex and affection because I’m not getting it from my spouse or partner. There’s nothing to transfer onto anyone else.

I don’t think I could ever be more of a PSE than a GFE (PSE = Porn Star Experience); or even just one of those girls who fakes it all the way and then has her clothes back on before she’s even finished pretending to orgasm. But I guess there’s something to be said for maintaining a professional distance.

I’m flattered by my clients’ gentle thoughts and feelings…I just don’t want them to feel wasted on the wrong woman. Everyone deserves real happiness…not just fleeting romance.

i think the popularity of this question may stem from the fact that i’m not a street walker…i don’t live in a rundown apartment, i don’t do drugs, i barely even drink, and i’m an educated girl.  i mostly do incall, which means my clients come to my private home and see that i live in a nice neighborhood, that i have art on my walls, and that i do my best to provide them with a certain level of class that may be missing from other encounters they’ve had with providers.

so how did i end up here? i honestly don’t remember the tipping point…the thing that caused me to actually consider this kind of work. obviously i was short on money (i had quit my full time corporate job to work for myself…i had some business ideas and some money saved up) and obviously going back to the corporate life wasn’t very appealing to me.

i remember being introduced to Craigslist many years ago, but for the purposes of selling tickets or finding miscellaneous things. i also remember re-visiting craigslist and posting once in the personals section, offering to pose as someone’s “date” (non-sexual) in exchange for money (i received a few inquiries but nothing ever came of it).

somehow, at some point, i found my way to the adult gigs section of CL, and began responding to ads for escorts. truth be told very FEW got back to me. most were looking for younger (18-25) and spinner bodies.  but one woman did respond and to make a long story short, i went to meet her, we hit it off immediately, and she offered me work. she had 30 years of experience and i had none. i turned my first trick for her (it was a blow job) and i didn’t run away screaming. quite frankly, i found it to be the easiest $200 i ever made (she took a small cut).  the client gave her good feedback, so she booked me again. and again.

i can’t claim to have really loved the work…her clients weren’t my ideal type…but the work was easy and the money was immediate which fed right into my immediate-gratification personality type! after a few months i was making enough money to start paying down my debt and pay my cost of living, and it was a very liberating feeling to say the least.

i loved my “mentor” for sharing her clients with me and for giving me the opportunity to learn the ropes. eventually, i decided to work for myself and we parted ways amicably. and here i am today.

sound easy? being an escort comes with its share of challenges so let me address the most common issues:

1) Customer Service: if you aren’t into pleasing, don’t become an escort. Money exchanged doesn’t mean the man is entitled to hurt you or put you down. But it DOES mean that his pleasure and his needs come before yours. Some men get off on getting you off – and if they can, that’s a bonus – but never forget where you are and why you’re there.

2) See Ya! When men are horny they’ll do just about anything to get into your pants. They’re like putty and they’ll bend over backwards to please you just to make sure they get what they want. Once they get what they want, though – that is, once they cum – they will be out the door like a shot.   Mr. Personal-Mushy-Passionate-You’re-So-Amazing becomes Mr. Out-the-Door-Faster-Than-a-Speeding-Bullet.  You need to be able to turn it on and turn it off just like that. Which – simply stated - is harder for women.

3) Uh-Oh…Chemistry:  Then you’ll have clients you actually connect with – both physically and emotionally. The kissing is electrifying, the sex is hot, and you even have things in common outside of the bedroom. BUT BEWARE! Pretty Woman was a movie because it’s just that: fantasy. I don’t have time to list all the problems a relationship like this could potentially have. I just know that, through this work, I have met some exceptional men and I am constantly having to remind myself of who i am, and who they are, and why we’re together.

4) Your Health: Imagine kissing – exchanging fluids – with multiple men per day or per week. Men going down on you, you going down on men…breathing each other’s air. The fact is, whatever’s going around – you’re going to get it (cold, throat, stomach,etc). You’re also exposing yourself to all the unknown things about your clients, their significant others, their other lovers, and who knows what else.

and lots of other stuff, including bad hygiene, calls from suspicious significant others, phone ringing in the middle of the night, stupid questions like “are you clean?”, and haggling over $20.

so why do i do it? because I can. because i have the personality type to pull it off and remain whole. because i’m as careful as i can be. because my debt is significant. because i’m my own boss and i can say “yes” or “no.” because i’m still  a little bit naive and don’t believe i’ll get caught. because even after 5 years there’s still a part of me that doesn’t think of myself as an escort…just a woman who turns tricks on the side to help with her income.

think carefully before you venture into escorting. once you do it, it’s done. you can’t take it back and it becomes a part of your past. maybe try it once and see how you feel. i can’t tell you what to do…but i do believe that you always have a choice.  so please – choose wisely.

thank you Username “melikeyblowey” – but NOTHING that is battery operated can ever take the place of an Alanna-Exceptional-Blow-Job!! 

thank goodness i will still be able to sleep at night…

i’m not here to offer you a lesson on cunnilingus – there’s tons of stuff out there for you to read. and if there’s a man who has created an e-book on oral sex that’s half as good as mine, then you should definitely buy it!   : )

FURTHERMORE – i do think women are accountable and need to lose some inhibition when it comes to providing feedback for their men…whether you tell them what they’re doing right, or where they should move their tongue, or just making the right kinds of noises to assure them you’re enjoying yourself.  (There’s a whole scene about this in the AWESOME movie “Chasing Amy.”)

BUT – if you’re a guy and the breadth of your oral sex education is limited to porn, you can be 99% sure that you’re just not doing it right! If you believe your woman cums within 30 seconds of you going down on her…you are wrong! If you think the best way to go down is to start flickering away at 100 mph…you are wrong!

Cunnilingus – like blow jobs – is a journey. Start off slow…build it up…LISTEN to how she is reacting to your tongue.

i CARE about my blow jobs..do you care about the time you spend down there on your woman? If you do, ask her if you’re doing it right. And listen to what she says.

maybe it’s because the spoon position is really just like missionary only from behind…but either way our bodies are as close as they’re going to get and you feel like your partner is hugging you. it’s yummy.

it also offers your partner a great opportunity to cradle your breasts and play with your clit if you like.  last night my partner was spooning me and then he suddenly hoisted me over as he turned on his back so that i was lying on top of him also facing the ceiling.

he moved his hips so that he could continue moving in and out of me and he also played with my breasts…it was very very nice.

lovers of the world: SPOON

Turns out they’ve been married for 1 year and he just found out that she’s been cheating on him for months. So now, not only is he crying about it, but he wants to make sure she doesn’t find out about the 1 time he cheated on her!! In other words…preserving his dignity to someone who clearly doesn’t give a CRAP about him or their relationship, is important to him!

Well, I gave him a 30 minute tough love session and boy do i wish i could go over and kick her in the ass too! But I just need to vent a little, and here’s my take on it all:

TO HER (the bitch wife):  You lack integrity. You lack self respect. You lack self love. You told your husband that you cheated on him because he didn’t give you enough. He feels he gave you everything. I suspect everything would never be enough for someone like you. If you weren’t getting what you wanted from your husband, then you should have left him. Get a divorce and then go frolicking around in adultery land, ok? THAT’S the dignified way to do it – THAT’S INTEGRITY! Instead, you hump around and THEN when you find out he’s done the same to you in an act of defiance – as a reaction to your adulterous behavior…you think you have the right to get upset!! You think the blame lies with him!! You cheated on your first husband and now you’ve cheated on your second husband! Are they BOTH to blame??

You have serious issues that need addressing, ok? Calling me to verify what you believe to be true is a waste of your time and mine. YOU ARE A CHEATER!! Look at YOURSELF! Stop yelling at your husband and take a good look at yourself! You are a HYPOCRITE. You will go through the rest of your life serving only yourself. You lack compassion and understanding. Anyone who truly respects themselves could not be the kind of person that you are.

TO HIM (the betrayed and betraying husband): Go home. Confront your wife. Tell her your relationship is O-V-E-R. Tell her you have wasted enough tears and heartache over her.

Please believe me when I tell you that this woman is not worth the dirt you are standing on. She cheated once, she cheated twice – SHAME ON YOU! Where is your self respect? Where is your self-love?? You’re mourning over a woman whose behavior shouts “I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT MYSELF!!”  You’re crying over a woman who, by cheating on you, has basically said “i don’t care if i lose you.”

Why would you want to cry and lose sleep over THAT?? Why do you care about maintaining some form of dignity to her by denying what you have done as well? Well, of course…your ego. Get over it – work on yourself. Cut this woman out of your life, get a personal coach, and work on your issues!

No one with a healthy amount of self respect and self love allows themselves to cry over someone who clearly cares about no one but themselves. So you wasted 1 year of your life with her! Maybe there were even some good times…some laughs. Well, guess what?! They’re over and done with. It’s time to move on. It’s time to start believing that you’re worth more and that you deserve better!

Life craps on all of us, ok? The ones who survive…the ones who emerge with their diginity and integrity and self respect intact, are the ones who understand that it’s not about the challenges that are thrown at us…it’s about how we handle those challenges…how we approach them…whether we let them get the better of us, or whether we say “bring it the f*** on!” and do the very best we can to conquer them!

So stop your crying over there in the public diner, ok? Be a man, strap on a pair, go over to the ol wifey and cut her loose. Tell her she’s not worth your time or your tears. Tell her you want that divorce NOW. Tell her if she contests ANYTHING you will take those 70 pages of emails proving her adulteration and your lawyer will rake her over the coals with them. Tell her you feel sorry for her because she will never know love as long as she can’t see beyond herself.

And then do yourself a favor…believe it.